CHAPTER 10
Teaches - that detachment from the things aforementioned is insufficient if we are not detached from our own selves and - that this virtue and humility go together. |
Once we have detached ourselves
from the world, and
from our kinsfolk,
and are cloistered here,
in the conditions already described,
it must look as if
- we have done everything and
- there is nothing left with which
we have to contend.
But, oh, my sisters,
do not
feel secure and
fall asleep,
or you will be like a man
who goes to bed quite peacefully,
after bolting all his doors for fear of thieves,
when the thieves are already in the house.
And you know there is no worse thief
than one who lives in the house.
We, ourselves, are always the same; [33]
unless
we take great care and
each of us looks well to it
that she renounces her self-will,
which is the most important business of all,
there will be many things to deprive us
of the holy freedom of spirit
which our souls seek
in order to soar to their Maker
unburdened by the leaden weight of the earth.
It will be a great help towards this
if we keep constantly in our thoughts
the vanity of all things and
the rapidity with which they pass away,
so that we may
- withdraw our affections from things
which are so trivial and
- fix them upon what will never come to an end.
This may seem a poor kind of help
but it will have the effect
of greatly fortifying the soul.
With regard to small things,
we must be very careful to,
as soon as we begin to grow fond of them,
- withdraw our thoughts from them and
- turn them to God.
His Majesty will help us to do this.
He has granted us the great favour of providing
that, in this house,
that, in this house,
most of it is done already;
but it remains for us
to become detached from our own selves and
it is a hard thing to
- withdraw from ourselves and
- oppose ourselves,
because we
are very close to ourselves and
love ourselves very dearly.
It is here that true humility can enter, [34] for
this virtue (of humility) and
that (virtue) of detachment from self, I think,
always go together.
They are two sisters, who are inseparable.
These are not the kinsfolk
whom I counsel you to avoid:
no, you must
embrace them, and
love them, and
never be seen without them.
Oh, how sovereign are these virtues,
- mistresses of all created things,
- empresses of the world,
- our deliverers from all the snares and entanglements
laid by the devil,
- so dearly loved by our Teacher, Christ,
Who was never for a moment without them!
He that possesses them can
- safely go out and
- fight all the united forces of
hell and
the whole world and
its temptations.
Let him fear none,
for his is the kingdom of the Heavens.
There is none whom he need fear,
for he cares nothing
if he loses everything,
nor does he count this as loss:
his sole fear is
that he may displease his God
and he begs Him to nourish these virtues within him
lest he lose them through any fault of his own.
These virtues, it is true,
have the property of hiding themselves
from one who possesses them, in such a way
that he
- never sees them
- nor can believe that he has any of them,
even if he be told so.
But he esteems them so much
that he is for ever trying to obtain them, and
thus he perfects them in himself more and more.
And those who possess them soon
make the fact clear,
even against their will,
to any with whom they have intercourse.
But how inappropriate it is
for a person like myself
to begin to praise humility and mortification,
when these virtues are so highly praised
by the King of Glory
--a praise exemplified in all the trials He suffered.
It is to possess these virtues, then, my daughters,
that you must labour
if you would leave the land of Egypt,
for, when you have obtained them,
you will also obtain the manna;
all things will taste well to you; and,
however much the world may dislike their savour,
to you they will be sweet.
The first thing, then,
that we have to do, and
that at once,
that at once,
is to rid ourselves of love for this body of ours
--and some of us pamper our natures so much
that this will cause us no little labour,
while others are so concerned about their health
that the trouble these things give us
( this is especially so of poor nuns,
but it applies to others as well )
is amazing.
Some of us, however, seem to think
that we embraced the religious life
for no other reason
than to keep ourselves alive [35]
and each nun does all she can to that end.
In this house, as a matter of fact,
there is very little chance for us
to act on such a principle,
but I should be sorry
if we even wanted to.
Resolve, sisters,
that it is
- to die for Christ, and
- not to practise self-indulgence for Christ,
that you have come here.
The devil tells us
that self-indulgence is necessary
if we are to
carry out and
keep the Rule of our Order, and
so many of us, forsooth,
try to keep our Rule
by looking after our health
that we die without having kept it for
as long as a month-- perhaps even for a day.
I really do not know what we are coming to.
No one need be afraid
of our committing excesses here,
by any chance
--for as soon as we do any penances,
our confessors begin to fear
that we shall kill ourselves with them.
We are so horrified at our own possible excesses
--if only we were as conscientious
about everything else!
Those who tend to the opposite extreme will I know,
not mind my saying this,
nor shall I mind if they say I am judging others
by myself,
for they will be quite right.
I believe--indeed, I am sure
--that more nuns are
of my way of thinking
than are offended by me
because they do just the opposite.
My own belief is
that it is for this reason
that the Lord is pleased to make us
such weakly creatures;
at least He has shown me great mercy
in making me so;
for, as I was sure to be self-indulgent in any case,
He was pleased to provide me
with an excuse for this.
It is really amusing to see
how some people torture themselves about it,
when the real reason lies in themselves;
sometimes they get a desire to do penances,
as one might say, without rhyme or reason;
they go on doing them for a couple of days;
and then the devil puts it into their heads
that they have been doing themselves harm and
so he makes them afraid of penances,
after which they dare not do even those
that the Order requires
--they have tried them once!
They do not keep the smallest points in the Rule,
such as silence,
which is quite incapable of harming us.
Hardly have we begun to imagine
that our heads are aching
than we stay away from choir,
though that would not kill us either.
One day we are absent
because we had a headache some time ago;
another day,
because our head has just been aching again;
and on the next three days
in case it should ache once more.
Then we want to invent penances of our own,
with the result
that we do
neither the one thing
nor the other.
Sometimes there is very little the matter with us,
yet we think that it should dispense us
from all our obligations and
that if we ask to be excused from them
we are doing all we need.
But why, you will say, does the Prioress excuse us?
Perhaps she would not
if she knew what was going on inside us;
but she sees one of you wailing about a mere nothing
as if your heart were breaking,
and you come and ask her to excuse you
from keeping the whole of your Rule,
saying it is a matter of great necessity, and,
when there is any substance in what you say,
there is always
a physician at hand to confirm it or
some friend or relative weeping at your side.
Sometimes the poor Prioress
sees that your request is excessive,
but what can she do?
She feels a scruple
if she thinks she has been lacking in charity and
she would rather the fault were yours than hers:
she thinks, too,
that it would be unjust of her to judge you harshly.
Oh, God help me!
That there should be complaining
like this among nuns!
May He forgive me for saying so,
but I am afraid it has become quite a habit.
I happened to observe this incident once myself:
a nun began complaining about her headaches and
she went on complaining to me for a long time.
In the end I made enquiries and found
she had no headache whatever,
but was suffering from some pain or other elsewhere.
These are things which may sometimes happen
and I put them down here
so that you may guard against them;
for if once the devil begins to frighten us
about losing our health,
we shall never get anywhere.
The Lord give us light
so that we may act rightly in everything!
Amen.
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Foot Notes: [33] The sense of this passage, especially without the phrase from E. which V. omits, is not very clear. T. remodels thus: " You know there is no worse thief for the perfection of the soul than the love of ourselves, for unless etc." [34] Here, in the margin, is written: "Humility and mortification, very great virtues." [35] Lit.: "to contrive not to die." But the reading of E. ("to think that we came to the convent for no other reason than to serve our bodies and look after them") suggests that this is what is meant. |
~ End of Chapter 10 ~ |
