CHAPTER 19 The Way of Perfection - Begins to treat of prayer. - Addresses souls who cannot reason with the understanding. |
It is a long time [57]
since I wrote the last chapter
and I have had no chance
of returning to my writing,
so that, without reading through
what I have written,
I cannot remember what I said.
However, I must not spend
too much time at this,
so it will be best if I go right on [58]
without troubling about the connection.
For those
with orderly minds,
and
for souls who
practise prayer and
can be a great deal
in their own company,
many books have been written,
and these (books)
are so good and
are the work of such competent people
that you would be making a mistake
if you paid heed to anything about prayer
that you learned from me.
There are books, as I say,
in which the mysteries
of the life of the Lord and
of His sacred Passion
are described in short passages,
one for each day of the week;
there are also meditations
on the Judgment,
on hell,
on our own nothingness and
on all that we owe to God,
and these books are excellent
both
as to their teaching and
as to the way in which they plan
the beginning and
the end
of the time of prayer. [59]
There is no need to tell anyone
who
is capable of practising prayer
in this way,
and
and
has already formed the habit of doing so,
that by this good road
the Lord will bring her
to the harbour of light.
If she begins so well,
her end will be good also;
and all
who can walk along this road
will walk restfully and securely,
for one always walks restfully
when the understanding
is kept in restraint.
It is something else
that I wish to
treat of and
help you about
if the Lord is pleased to enable me
to do so;
if not,
you will at least realize
that there are many souls
who suffer this trial, and
you will not be so much distressed
at undergoing it yourselves at first,
but will find some comfort in it.
There are
some souls, and
some minds,
as unruly as horses not yet broken in.
No one can stop them:
now they go this way,
now that way;
they are never still.
Although a skilled rider mounted
on such a horse
may not always be in danger,
he will be so sometimes; and,
even if he is not concerned about his life,
there will always be the risk
of his stumbling, [60]
so that he has to ride with great care.
Some people are
either like this by nature
or God permits them to become so.
I am very sorry for them;
they seem to me like people
who
are very thirsty and
see water a long way off,
yet, when they
try to go to it,
try to go to it,
find someone, who, all the time,
is barring their path--
at the beginning
of their journey,
in the middle and
at the end.
And when,
after all their labour
-- and the labour is tremendous--
- they have conquered
the first of their enemies,
- they allow themselves
to be conquered by the second,
and
and
- they prefer to die of thirst
rather than drink water
which is going to cost them
so much trouble.
- Their strength has come to an end;
- their courage has failed them;
and, though some of them
are strong enough to conquer
their second enemies
as well as their first,
when they meet the third group,
their strength comes to an end,
though perhaps they are
only a couple of steps
from the fountain of living water,
of which the Lord said
to the Samaritan woman
that whosoever drinks of it
shall not thirst again. [61]
Jesus answered, and said to her: Whosoever drinketh of this water, shall thirst again; but he that shall drink of the water that I will give him, shall not thirst for ever. ] [ St. John iv, 13 ] |
How right and
how very true
is that which comes from the lips
of Truth Himself!
In this life
the soul will never thirst
for anything more,
although its thirst for things
in the life to come
will exceed any natural thirst
that we can imagine here below.
How the soul thirsts to experience this thirst!
For it knows
how very precious it is,
and, grievous though it be
and exhausting,
it creates the very satisfaction
by which this thirst is allayed.
It is therefore a thirst
which quenches nothing but desire
for earthly things,
and,
when God
slakes it,
satisfies in such a way
that one of the greatest favours
He can bestow on the soul
is to leave it with this longing,
so that it has an even greater desire
to drink of this water again.
▀Water has three properties--
three relevant properties
which I can remember, that is to say,
for it must have many more.
▀One of them
is that of cooling things;
however hot we are,
water tempers the heat, and
it will even put out a large fire,
except when there is tar in the fire,
in which case, they say,
it only burns the more.
God help me!
What a marvellous thing it is
that, when this fire is
strong and fierce and
subject to none of the elements,
water should make it grow fiercer,
and, though its contrary element,
should not quench it
but only cause it to burn the more!
It would be very useful to be able
to discuss this with someone
who understands philosophy;
if I knew the properties of things,
I could explain it myself;
but, though I love thinking about it,
I cannot explain it--
perhaps I do not
even understand it.
You will be glad, sisters,
if God grants you
to drink of this water,
as are those who drink of it now,
and you will understand
how a genuine love of God,
if it is
really strong, and
completely free
from earthly things,
and
and
able to rise above them,
is master
of all the elements and
of the whole world.
And, as water
proceeds from the earth,
there is no fear
of its quenching this fire,
which is the love of God;
though the two elements are contraries,
it has no power over it.
The fire is
absolute master,
and
and
subject to nothing.
You will not be surprised, then, sisters,
at the way
I have insisted in this book
that you should strive
to obtain this freedom.
Is it not a funny thing
that a poor little nun of Saint Joseph's
should attain mastery
over
the whole earth and
all the elements?
What wonder
that the saints did as they pleased
with them (earth, elements)
by the help of God?
Fire and water obeyed Saint Martin;
even birds and fishes
were obedient to Saint Francis;
and
were obedient to Saint Francis;
and
similarly with many other saints.
Helped as they were by God,
and
themselves doing all
that was in their power,
they could almost have claimed this
as a right.
It was clear
that they were masters
over everything in the world,
over everything in the world,
because they had
striven so hard to despise it
and
subjected themselves to the Lord
of the world
with all their might.
So, as I say,
the water,
which springs from the earth,
has no power over this fire.
Its flames rise high and
its source is in nothing so base
as the earth.
There are other fires of love for God
-- small ones --,
which may be quenched
by the least little thing.
But this fire will most certainly
not be so quenched. [62]
Even should a whole sea of temptations
assail it,
they will not
keep it from burning
or
prevent it from gaining
the mastery over them.
Water
which comes down
as rain from Heaven
will quench the flames even less,
for in that case
the fire and the water are
not contraries,
but have the same origin.
Do not fear
that the one element
may harm the other;
each helps the other
and
and
they produce the same effect.
For the water of genuine tears--
that is,
tears which come from true prayer--
is a good gift from the King of Heaven;
it fans the flames and
keeps them alight,
while the fire helps to cool the water.
God bless me!
What a beautiful and wonderful thing it is
that fire should cool water!
But it does;
and it even
freezes all worldly affections,
when it is combined
with the living water
which comes from Heaven,
the source of
the above-mentioned tears,
which are
given us,
and
and
not acquired by our diligence.
Certainly, then,
nothing worldly has warmth enough
left in it
to induce us to cling to it
unless it is something
which increases this fire,
the nature of which
is not
to be easily satisfied,
but, if possible,
to enkindle the entire world.
▀The second property of water is
that it cleanses things
that are not clean already.
What would become of the world
if there were no water for washing?
Do you know
what cleansing properties there are
in this living water,
this heavenly water,
this clear water,
when it is
unclouded, and
free from mud, and
comes down from Heaven?
Once the soul has drunk of it
I am convinced
that it makes it pure and clean
of all its sins;
for, as I have written,
God does not allow us to drink
of this water of perfect contemplation
whenever we like:
the choice is not ours;
this Divine union
is something quite supernatural,
given that it may
cleanse the soul
and
leave it pure
and
free from the mud and misery
in which it has been plunged
because of its sins.
Other consolations,
excellent as they may be,
which come
through the intermediacy
of the understanding,
are like water running all over the ground.
This cannot be drunk
directly from the source; and
its course is never free
from clogging impurities,
so that it is
neither so pure
nor so clean
as the other.
I should not say
that this prayer
I have been describing,
which comes from reasoning
with the intellect,
is living water--
-- I mean so far
as my understanding of it goes.
For, despite our efforts,
there is always something clinging
to the soul,
through the influence
of the body and
of the baseness of our nature,
which we should prefer not to be there.
I will explain myself further.
We are meditating
on the nature of the world,
and
on the way in which everything
will come to an end,
so that we may learn to despise it,
when, almost without noticing it,
we find ourselves ruminating
on things in the world
that we love.
We try to banish these thoughts,
but we cannot help
being slightly distracted
being slightly distracted
by thinking
of things that
have happened,
or
will happen,
of things we have done and
of things we are going to do.
Then we begin to think of
how we can get rid of these thoughts;
and that sometimes plunges us
once again
into the same danger.
It is not
that we ought
to omit such meditations;
but we need
to retain our misgivings
about them
and
and
not to grow careless.
In contemplation
the Lord Himself relieves us
of this care,
for He will not trust us
to look after ourselves.
So dearly does He love our souls
that He prevents them
from rushing into things
which may do them harm
just at this time
when He is anxious to help them.
So He
- calls them
to His side at once,
and in a single moment
- reveals more truths to them
and
- gives them a clearer insight
into the nature of everything
than they could otherwise gain
in many years.
For our sight is poor
and the dust
which we meet on the road
blinds us;
but in contemplation
the Lord brings us
to the end of the day's journey
without our understanding how.
▀ The third property of water is
that it satisfies and quenches thirst.
Thirst, I think,
means the desire for something
which is very necessary for us--
so necessary
that if we have none of it,
we shall die.
It is a strange thing
that if we have no water
we die,
and
that we can also lose our lives
through having too much of it,
as happens to many people
who get drowned.
Oh, my Lord,
if only one could be plunged so deeply
into this living water
that one's life would end!
Can that be?
Yes:
this love and desire for God
can increase so much
that human nature is unable to bear it,
and so there have been persons
who have died of it.
I knew one person [63]
who had this living water
in such great abundance
that she would almost have
drawn out of herself
by raptures
if God had not quickly succoured her.
She had such a thirst,
and her desire grew so greatly,
that she realized clearly
that she might quite possibly
die of thirst
if something were not done for her.
I say that she would almost
have been drawn out of herself
because in this state,
the soul is in repose.
So intolerable
does such a soul
find the world
that it seems to be overwhelmed, [64]
but it comes to life again in God;
and in this way
His Majesty enables it
to enjoy experiences
which, if it had remained within itself,
would perforce have cost it its life.
Let it be understood from this
that, as there can be nothing
in our supreme Good
which is not perfect,
all that He gives is for our welfare;
and,
however abundant this water
which He gives may be,
in nothing that He gives
can there be superfluity.
For, if His gift is abundant,
He also bestows on the soul,
as I have said,
an abundant capacity for drinking;
just as a glassmaker moulds his vessels
to the size he thinks necessary,
so that there is room
for what he wishes to pour into them.
As our desires for this water
come from ourselves,
they are never free from fault;
any good
that there may be in them
comes from the help of the Lord.
But we are so indiscreet
that,
as the pain is sweet and pleasant,
we think we can never have
too much of it.
We have an immeasurable longing
for it, [65] and,
so far as is possible on earth,
we stimulate this longing:
sometimes this goes so far
as to cause death.
How happy is such a death!
And yet by living
one might perhaps have helped others
to die of the desire for it.
I believe the devil
has something to do with this:
knowing how much harm
we can do him
by living,
he tempts us to be indiscreet
in our penances and
so to ruin our health,
which is a matter
of no small moment to him.
I advise anyone
who attains to an experience
of this fierce thirst
to watch herself carefully,
for I think she will have to contend
with this temptation.
She may not die of her thirst,
but her health will be ruined,
and
she will involuntarily give her feelings
outward expression,
which ought at all costs to be avoided.
Sometimes, however,
all our diligence in this respect
is unavailing
and we are unable to hide our emotions
as much as we should like.
Whenever we are assailed
by these strong impulses
stimulating the increase
of our desire,
of our desire,
let us take great care
- not to add to them ourselves
- but to check them gently [66]
by thinking of something else.
For our own nature
may be playing
as great a part
in producing these feelings
as our love.
There are some people of this type
who have keen desires
for all kinds of things,
even for bad things,
but I do not think
such people can have
achieved great mortification,
for mortification is always profitable.
It seems foolish
to check so good a thing
as this desire,
but it is not.
I am not saying
that the desire
should be uprooted--
only checked;
one may be able to do this
by stimulating some other desire
which is equally praiseworthy.
In order to explain myself better
I will give an illustration.
A man has a great desire
to be with God,
as Saint Paul had, and
to be loosed from this prison. [67]
This causes him pain
which yet is in itself a great joy, and
no small degree of mortification
will be needed
if he is to check it--
in fact,
he will not always be able to do so.
But when he finds it
oppressing him so much
he may almost lose his reason.
I saw this happen to someone
not long ago;
she was of an impetuous nature,
but so accustomed
to curbing her own will
to curbing her own will
that, from what I had seen
at other times,
at other times,
I thought her will
was completely annihilated;
yet, when I saw her for a moment,
the great stress and strain
caused by her efforts
to hide her feelings
had all but destroyed her reason. [68]
In such an extreme case, I think,
even did the desire come
from the Spirit of God,
it would be true humility to be afraid;
for we must not imagine
that we have sufficient charity
to bring us to such a state of oppression.
I shall not think it at all wrong
(if it be possible, I mean,
for it may not always be so)
for us to change our desire
by reflecting
- that, if we live,
we have more chance
of serving God,
of serving God,
and
- that we might do this
by giving light to some soul
which otherwise would be lost;
as well as
- that, if we serve Him more,
we shall
deserve to
to enjoy Him more,
and
deserve to
to enjoy Him more,
and
grieve that we have
served Him so little.
served Him so little.
These are consolations
appropriate to such great trials:
- they will allay our pain and
- we shall gain a great deal by them
if in order to serve the Lord Himself
we are willing
to spend a long time here below and
to live with our grief.
It is as if a person were suffering
a great trial or
a grievous affliction
and we consoled him
by telling him to
by telling him to
have patience and
leave himself in God's hands
so that His will
might be fulfilled in him:
might be fulfilled in him:
it is always best to leave ourselves
in God's hands.
And what if the devil had anything to do
with these strong desires?
This might be possible,
as I think is suggested
in Cassian's story of a hermit,
leading the austerest of lives,
who was persuaded by the devil
to throw himself down a well
so that he might see God the sooner. [69]
I do not think
this hermit can have served God
either humbly or efficiently,
for the Lord is faithful and
His Majesty would never allow
a servant of His
to be blinded in a matter
in which the truth was so clear.
But, of course,
if the desire had come from God,
it would have done the hermit no harm;
for such desires bring with them
illumination, moderation
and discretion.
and discretion.
This is fitting,
but our enemy and adversary seeks
to harm us
to harm us
wherever he can;
and, as he is not unwatchful,
we must not be so either.
This is an important matter
in many respects:
for example,
in many respects:
for example,
we must shorten our time of prayer,
however much joy it gives us,
if we
- see our bodily strength waning or
- find that our head aches:
discretion is most necessary in everything.
Why do you suppose, daughters,
that I have tried,
as people say,
to describe the end of the battle
before it has begun and
to point to its reward
by telling you about the blessing
which comes from drinking
of the heavenly source
of this living water?
I have done this
so that you
may not be distressed
at the trials and annoyances of the road,
and
may tread it with courage
and
not grow weary;
not grow weary;
for, as I have said,
it may be that,
it may be that,
when you
have arrived, and
have only to stoop and drink
of the spring,
you may fail to do so
and lose this blessing,
thinking
- that you have not the strength
to attain it and
- that it is not for you.
Remember,
the Lord invites us all; and,
since He is Truth Itself,
we cannot doubt Him.
If His invitation were not a general one,
He would not have said:
"I will give you to drink."
He might have said:
"Come, all of you,
for after all
you will lose nothing by coming;
and I will give drink to those
whom I think fit for it."
But, as He said we were all to come,
without making this condition,
I feel sure that none will fail
to receive this living water
unless they cannot keep to the path. [70]
May the Lord,
Who promises it,
give us grace,
for His Majesty's own sake,
to seek it as it must be sought.
________________________________
Foot Notes: [57] Lit.: "so many days." [58] Lit.: "It will have to go as it comes out." [59] St Teresa is probably referring to the treatises of Luis de Granada and St. Peter of Alcantara (S.S.M, 1, 40-52, II, 106-20). Cf. Constitutions (Vol. III, p. 236, below). [60] Lit.: "of his doing something on (the horse) which is not graceful." [61] St. John iv, 13. Jesus answered, and said to her: Whosoever drinketh of this water, shall thirst again; but he that shall drink of the water that I will give him, shall not thirst for ever: [62] Lit.: "But this one-- no, no." [63] The author probably refers to herself: Cf. Life, Chapter XX, and Relations, passim. [64] Lit.: "drowned." [65] Lit.: "We eat it without measure." [66] Lit.: "to cut the thread." [67] Presumably a reminiscence of Romans vii, 24 or Philippians i, 23. [68] This, too, is generally taken as referring to St. Teresa herself. [69] Cassian: Conferences, II. v. [70] E. ends the chapter here. This final paragraph appears to be based upon St. John vii, 37. "And on the last, and great day of the festivity, Jesus stood and cried, saying: If any man thirst, let him come to me, and drink". [St. John vii, 37] |
End of Chapter 19 The Way of Perfection |
