. CHAPTER 36 The Way of Perfection - Treats of these words in the Paternoster: "Dimitte nobis debita nostra." [126] "Forgive us our debts." . |
Our good Master sees
▪ that, if we have this Heavenly Food,
everything is easy for us,
except when we are ourselves to blame,
and
▪ that we are well able
to fulfil our undertaking to the Father
that His will shall be done in us.
So He now asks Him
to forgive us our debts,
as we ourselves forgive others.
Thus, continuing the prayer
which He is teaching us,
He says these words:
"And forgive us, Lord,
our debts,
even as we forgive them
to our debtors."
Notice, sisters,
that He does not say:
"as we shall forgive."
We are to understand
that anyone who
- asks for so great a gift
as that just mentioned,
and
- has already yielded his own will
to the will of God,
must have done this already.
And so He says:
"as we forgive our debtors."
Anyone, then,
who sincerely repeats this petition,
"Fiat voluntas tua",
"Thy Will be done"
must, at least in intention,
have done this already.
You see now
why the saints rejoiced
in insults and persecutions:
it was because these gave them something
to present to the Lord
when they prayed to Him.
What can a poor creature like myself do,
who
has had so little to forgive others
and
has so much to be forgiven herself?
This, sisters, is something
which we should consider carefully;
it is such a serious and important matter
that God should pardon us our sins,
which have merited eternal fire,
that we must pardon all trifling things
which have been done to us
and
which are not wrongs at all,
or anything else.
For how is it possible,
either in word or in deed,
to wrong one
who, like myself, has deserved
to be plagued by devils for ever?
Is it not only right
that I should be plagued [127]
in this world too?
As I have so few, Lord,
even of these trifling things,
to offer Thee,
Thy pardoning of me
must be a free gift:
there is abundant scope here for Thy mercy.
Thy Son must pardon me,
for no one has done me any injustice,
and
so there has been nothing
that I can pardon for Thy sake.
But take my desire to do so, Lord,
for I believe I would forgive any wrong
if Thou wouldst forgive me
and
I might unconditionally do Thy will.
True, if the occasion were to arise,
and
I were condemned without cause,
I do not know what I should do.
But at this moment I see
that I am so guilty in Thy sight
that everything I might have to suffer
would fall short of my deserts,
though anyone not knowing,
as Thou knowest, what I am,
would think I was being wronged.
Blessed be Thou,
Who endurest one that is so poor:
when Thy most holy Son makes this petition
in the name of all mankind,
I cannot be included,
being such as I am
and
having nothing to give.
And supposing, my Lord,
that there are others
who are like myself
but have not realized that this is so?
If there are any such,
I beg them, in Thy name,
◦ to remember this truth,
and
◦ to pay no heed to little things
about which they think
they are being slighted,
for, if they insist on these
nice points of honour,
they become like children
building houses of straw.
Oh, God help me, sisters!
If we only knew
what honour really is
and
what is meant by losing it!
I am not speaking now about ourselves,
for it would indeed be a bad business
if we did not understand this;
I am speaking of myself
as I was when I prided myself
on my honour
without knowing what honour meant;
I just followed the example of others.
Oh, how easily I used to feel slighted!
I am ashamed to think of it now;
and I was not one of those
who worried most about such things either.
But I never grasped
the essence of the matter,
because I neither thought nor troubled
about true honour,
which it is good for us to have
because it profits the soul.
How truly has someone said:
"Honour and profit cannot go together."
I do not know if this was
what that person was thinking of
when he said it;
but it is literally true,
for
the soul's profit
and
what the world calls honour
can never be reconciled.
Really, the topsy-turviness of the world
is terrible.
Blessed be the Lord for taking us out of it!
May His Majesty grant
that this house shall always be
as far from it
as it is now!
God preserve us from religious houses
where they worry
about points of honour!
Such places never do much honour to God.
God help us,
how absurd it is for religious
to connect their honour
with things so trifling
that they amaze me!
You know nothing about this, sisters,
but I will tell you about it
so that you may be wary.
You see, sisters,
the devil has not forgotten us.
He
- has invented honours of his own
for religious houses
and
- has made laws
by which we go up and down in rank,
as people do in the world.
Learned men have to observe this
with regard to their studies
(a matter of which I know nothing):
anyone, for example,
who has got as far
as reading theology
must not descend and
read philosophy
-- that is their kind of honour,
according to which you must
always be going up
and
never going down.
Even if someone were commanded
by obedience
to take a step down,
he would in his own mind
consider himself slighted;
and then someone would take his part
[and say] it was an insult;
next, the devil would discover
reasons for this
--and he seems to be an authority
even in God's own law.
Why, among ourselves,
anyone who has been a prioress
is thereby incapacitated
from holding any lower office
for the rest of her life.
We must defer to the senior among us,
and
we are not allowed to forget it either:
sometimes it would appear
to be a positive merit
for us to do this,
because it is a rule of the Order.
The thing is enough
to make one laugh
--or, it would be more proper to say,
to make one weep.
After all, the Order does not command us
not to be humble:
it commands us
to do everything in due form.
And in matters
which concern my own esteem
I ought not to be so formal
as to insist
that this detail of our Rule
shall be kept as strictly as the rest,
which we may in fact
be observing very imperfectly.
We must not put all our effort
into observing just this one detail:
let my interests be looked after by others
--I will forget about myself altogether.
The fact is,
although we shall never rise
as far as Heaven in this way,
we are attracted by the thought
of rising higher,
and
we dislike climbing down.
O, Lord, Lord,
art Thou our Example and our Master?
Yes, indeed.
And wherein did Thy honour consist,
O Lord, Who hast honoured us? [128]
Didst Thou perchance lose it
when Thou wert humbled even to death?
No,
Lord, rather didst Thou gain it for all.
For the love of God, sisters!
We have lost our way;
we have taken the wrong path
from the very beginning.
God grant
that no soul be lost
through its attention
to these wretched niceties about honour,
when it has no idea
when it has no idea
wherein honour consists.
We shall get to the point of thinking
that we have done something wonderful
because we have forgiven a person
for some trifling thing,
which was
neither a slight
nor an insult
nor anything else.
Then we shall ask the Lord
to forgive us
as people
who have done something important,
just because we have forgiven someone.
Grant us, my God,
to understand
- how little we understand ourselves
and
- how empty our hands are
when we come to Thee
that Thou, of Thy mercy,
mayest forgive us.
For in truth, Lord,
since all things have an end
and punishment is eternal,
I can see nothing meritorious
which I may present to Thee
that Thou mayest grant us
so great a favour.
Do it, then,
for the sake of Him
Who asks it of Thee,
and
Who may well do so,
for He is always being
wronged and offended.
How greatly the Lord must esteem
this mutual love of ours one
for another!
For, having given Him our wills,
we have given Him
complete rights over us,
and
we cannot do that without love.
See, then, sisters,
how important it is
for us
to love one another
and
to be at peace.
The good Jesus might have
put everything else
before our love for one another,
and said:
"Forgive us, Lord,
because we are doing
a great deal of penance,
or
because we are
praying often, and fasting,
and
because we have left all
for Thy sake and love Thee greatly."
But He has never said:
"Because we would lose our lives
for Thy sake";
or
any of these [numerous] other things
which He might have said.
He simply says:
"Because we forgive."
Perhaps the reason
He said this
rather than anything else
was because He knew
that our fondness
for this dreadful honour
made mutual love the hardest virtue
for us to attain,
though it is the virtue
dearest to His Father.
Because of its very difficulty
He put it where He did,
and after having asked
for so many great gifts for us,
He offers it on our behalf to God.
Note particularly, sisters,
that He says:
"As we forgive."
As I have said,
He takes this for granted.
And observe especially
with regard to it that
unless,
after experiencing the favours
granted by God
in the prayer
that I have called perfect contemplation,
a person
is very resolute,
and
makes a point,
if the occasion arises,
of forgiving,
not [only] these mere nothings
which people call wrongs,
but any wrong,
however grave,
you need not think much
of that person's prayer. [129]
For wrongs have no effect
upon a soul
whom God draws to Himself
in such sublime prayer as this,
nor does it care
if it is highly esteemed or no.
That is not quite correct:
it does care,
for honour distresses much more
than dishonour
and
it prefers trials
to a great deal of rest and ease.
For anyone
to whom the Lord
has really given His Kingdom
no longer wants a kingdom
in this world,
- knowing that he is going
the right way to reign
in a much more exalted manner,
and
- having already discovered by experience
what great benefits
the soul gains
and
what progress it makes
when it suffers for God's sake.
For only very rarely
does His Majesty grant it
such great consolations,
and
then only to those
who have willingly borne many trials
for His sake.
For contemplatives,
as I have said elsewhere in this book,
have to bear heavy trials,
and
therefore the Lord seeks out for Himself
souls of great experience.
Understand, then, sisters,
that as these persons
have already learned
to rate everything at its proper valuation,
they pay little attention
to things which pass away.
A great wrong, or a great trial,
may cause them
some momentary distress,
but they
- will hardly have felt it
when reason will intervene,
and
- will seem to raise its standard aloft,
and
drive away their distress
by giving them the joy
of seeing
how God has entrusted them
with the opportunity of gaining,
in a single day,
more lasting favours and graces
in His Majesty's sight
than they could gain
in ten years by means of trials
which they sought
on their own account.
This, as I understand
(and I have talked about it
with many contemplatives),
is quite usual, and
I know for a fact
that it happens.
that it happens.
Just as other people
prize gold and jewels,
so these persons
prize and desire trials,
for they know quite well
that trials will make them rich.
Such persons would never
on any account
esteem themselves:
they
want their sins
to be known
and
like to speak about them to people
who they see have any esteem for them.
The same is true of their descent,
which they know quite well
will be of no advantage to them
in the kingdom
which has no end.
If being of good birth
were any satisfaction to them,
it would be because
this would enable them
to serve God better.
If they are not well born,
it distresses them
when people think them better
than they are,
and
it causes them no distress
to disabuse them,
but only pleasure.
The reason for this is
that those to whom
God grants the favour
of possessing
such humility
and
great love for Him
- forget themselves
when there is a possibility
of rendering Him greater services,
and
- simply cannot believe
that others are troubled by things
which they themselves do not consider
as wrongs at all.
These last effects
which I have mentioned
are produced in persons
who have reached
a high degree of perfection
and
to whom the Lord commonly grants
the favour of uniting them to Himself
by perfect contemplation.
But the first of these effects
--namely, the determination
to suffer wrongs
even though such suffering
brings distress--
is very quickly seen
in anyone to whom the Lord
has granted this grace of prayer
as far as the stage of union.
If these effects
are not produced in a soul
and
it is not strengthened by prayer,
you may take it
that this was not Divine favour
but indulgence and illusion
coming from the devil,
which he makes us think to be good,
so that we may attach
more importance to our honour.
It may be that,
when the Lord first grants these favours,
the soul will not immediately
the soul will not immediately
attain this fortitude.
But,
if He continues to grant them,
He will soon give it fortitude
-- certainly, at least,
as regards forgiveness,
if not in the other virtues as well.
I cannot believe
that a soul which
- has approached so nearly
to Mercy Itself,
and
- has learned to know
itself
and
the greatness of God's pardon,
will not immediately and readily
forgive,
and
be mollified
and
remain on good terms with a person
who has done it wrong.
For such a soul remembers
the consolation and grace
which He has shown it,
in which it has recognized
the signs of great love,
and
it is glad
that the occasion presents itself
for showing Him some love in return.
for showing Him some love in return.
I repeat that I know many persons
to whom Our Lord has granted
the grace
of raising them
to supernatural experiences
and
of giving them
this prayer, or contemplation,
which has been described;
and
although I may notice
other faults and imperfections in them,
I have never seen such a person
who had this particular fault,
nor do I believe such a person exists,
if the favours he has received
are of God.
If any one of you receives high favours,
let her
look within herself
and
see if they are producing these effects,
and,
If they are not,
let her
be very fearful,
and
believe that these consolations
are not of God,
Who, as I have said,
when He visits the soul,
always enriches it.
That is certain;
for, although the grace and the consolations
may pass quickly,
it can be recognized in due course
through the benefits
which it bestows on the soul.
And, as the good Jesus knows this well,
He gives a definite assurance
to His Holy Father
that we are forgiving our debtors.
_____________________
. Foot Notes: [126] "Forgive us our debts." [127] Lit.: "ill-treated." The same verb is used in the following sentence. [128] Lit.: "our Honourer" -- Honrador nuestro: a rather unusual phrase which T. changes into the quite conventional "honrado Maestro" -- "honoured Master". [129] St. Teresa left this sentence uncompleted. Luis de Leon added: "You need not . . . prayer" in his edition, since when it has always been included. It figures as an anonymous correction in T. . |
| . End of Chapter 36 The Way of Perfection . |
