. CHAPTER 39 The Way of Perfection - Continues the same subject and - Gives counsels concerning different kinds of temptation. - Suggests two remedies by which we may be freed from temptations. [135] . |
Beware also, daughters,
of certain kinds of humility
which the devil inculcates in us
and
which make us very uneasy
about the gravity of our past sins.
There are many ways in which
he is accustomed to depress us
so that in time we
- withdraw from Communion and
- give up our private prayer,
because the devil suggests to us
that we are not worthy to engage in it.
When we come to the Most Holy Sacrament,
we spend the time
during which we ought
to be receiving grace
in wondering whether
we are properly prepared or no.
The thing gets to such a pass
that a soul can be made to believe
that, through being what it is,
it has been forsaken by God,
and thus it almost doubts His mercy.
Everything such a person does
appears to her to be dangerous,
and all the service she renders,
however good it may be,
seems to her fruitless.
She loses confidence and
sits with her hands in her lap
because she thinks
she can do nothing well
she can do nothing well
and
that what is good in others
is wrong in herself.
Pay great attention, daughters, to this point
which I shall now make, because
sometimes,
thinking yourselves so wicked,
may be humility and virtue and
at other times
a very great temptation.
I have had experience of this,
so I know it is true.
Humility,
however deep it be,
neither disquiets
nor troubles
nor disturbs the soul;
it is accompanied
by peace, joy and tranquillity.
Although, on realizing how wicked we are,
we
- can see clearly that we deserve
to be in hell,
and
- are distressed by our sinfulness,
and
- rightly think that everyone
should hate us,
yet, if our humility is true,
this distress is accompanied
by an interior peace and joy
of which we should not like
to be deprived.
Far from disturbing or depressing the soul,
it
- enlarges it and
- makes it fit to serve God better.
The other kind of distress only
disturbs and upsets the mind
and
troubles the soul,
so grievous is it.
I think the devil is anxious
for us to believe
that we are humble,
and,
if he can,
to lead us to distrust God.
When you find yourselves in this state,
• cease thinking,
so far as you can,
of your own wretchedness,
and
• think
of the mercy of God and
of His love and His sufferings for us.
If your state of mind
is the result of temptation,
you will be unable to do even this,
for it will not allow you
to quiet your thoughts
or
to fix them on anything
but will only weary you the more:
it will be a great thing
if you can recognize it
as a temptation.
This is what happens
when we perform excessive penances
in order to make ourselves believe that,
because of what we are doing,
we are more penitent than others.
If we conceal our penances
from our confessor or superior,
or
if we are told to give them up
and do not obey,
that is a clear case of temptation.
Always try to obey,
however much it may hurt you to do so,
for that is the greatest possible perfection.
There is another very dangerous kind
of temptation:
a feeling of security
caused by the belief
that we shall never again return
to our past faults and
to the pleasures of the world.
"I know all about these things now,"
we say, "and
I realize that they all come to an end
and
I get more pleasure from the things of God."
If this temptation comes to beginners
it is very serious;
for, having this sense of security,
they think nothing of running once more
into occasions of sin.
They soon come up against these
--and then God preserve them
from falling back
farther than before!
The devil,
seeing that here are souls which
- may do him harm
and
- be of great help to others,
does all in his power
to prevent them from rising again.
However many
consolations and pledgeof love
the Lord may give you, therefore,
- you must never be so sure of yourselves
that you cease to be afraid
of falling back again,
and
- you must keep yourselves
from occasions of sin.
Do all you can
• to discuss these graces and favours
with someone who can give you light
and
and
• have no secrets from him.
However sublime your contemplation may be,
• take great care both
to begin and to end every period of prayer
with self-examination.
If these favours come from God,
you will do this more frequently,
without either taking or needing
any advice from me,
- for such favours bring humility with them
and
- always leave us with more light by which
we may see our own unworthiness.
I will say no more here,
for you will find many books
which give this kind of advice.
I have said all this
because I
- have had experience of the matter
and
- have sometimes found myself in difficulties
of this nature.
Nothing that can be said about it, however,
will give us complete security.
What, then, Eternal Father,
can we do but
• flee to Thee and
• beg Thee not to allow
these enemies of ours
to lead us into temptations?
If attacks are made upon us publicly,
we shall easily surmount them,
with Thy help.
But how can we be ready
for these treacherous assaults, [136]
my God?
We need constantly to pray for Thy help.
Show us, Lord, some way of
- recognizing them and
- guarding against them.
Thou knowest
that there are not many
who walk along this road,
and if so many fears are to beset them,
there will be far fewer.
What a strange thing it is!
You might suppose
that the devil never tempted those
who do not walk
along the road of prayer!
People get a greater shock
when deception overtakes
a single one of the many persons
who are striving to be perfect
than when a hundred thousand others
are deceived and fall into open sin,
whom there is no need to look at
in order to see if they are good or evil,
for Satan can be seen at their side
a thousand leagues away.
But as a matter of fact
people are right about this,
for very few
who say the Paternoster
in the way
that has been described
are deceived by the devil,
so that,
if the deception of one of them
causes surprise,
that is because
it is a new and an unusual thing.
For human nature is such
that we scarcely notice
what we see frequently
but are astounded at
what we see seldom or hardly at all.
And the devils, themselves,
encourage this astonishment,
for if a single soul attains perfection
it robs them of many others.
It is so strange, I repeat,
that I am not surprised
if people are amazed at it;
for, unless they are altogether at fault,
they are much safer on this road
than on any other,
just as people who watch a bull-fight
from the grand-stand
are safer than the men
who expose themselves
to a thrust from the bull's horns.
This comparison,
which I heard somewhere,
seems to me very exact.
Do not be afraid
to walk on these roads, sisters,
for there are many of them
in the life of prayer --
and
some people get most help
by using one of them
and
others
by using another,
as I have said.
This road is a safe one
and
you will the more readily escape
from temptation
if you are near the Lord
than
if you are far away from Him.
Beseech and entreat this of Him,
as you do so many times each day
in the Paternoster.
______________________
. Foot Notes: [135] A marginal addition made, in the autograph, to the title by another hand reads: "This chapter is very noteworthy, both for those tempted by false kinds of humility and for confessors." This is found in T. and in most of the editions. [136] Lit.: "these treasons." . |
| . End of Chapter 39 The Way of Perfection . |
