. CHAPTER 42 The Way of Perfection - Treats of these last words of the Paternoster: "Sed libera nos a malo. Amen." "But deliver us from evil. Amen." . |
I think the good Jesus was right
to ask this for Himself,
for we know
how weary of this life He was
when at the Supper He said to His Apostles:
"With desire I have desired
to sup with you" [141]
--and that was
the last supper of His life.
From this it can be seen
how weary He must have been of living;
yet nowadays people are not weary
even at a hundred years old,
but always want to live longer.
It is true, however,
that we do not
live so difficult a life
or
or
suffer such trials or such poverty
as His Majesty had to bear.
What was His whole life
but a continuous death,
with the picture of the cruel death
that He was to suffer
always before His eyes?
And this was the least important thing,
with
so many offenses being committed
against His Father
and
such a multitude of souls being lost.
If to any human being full of charity
this is a great torment,
what must it have been
to the boundless and measureless charity
of the Lord?
And how right He was
to beseech the Father
to deliver Him
from so many evils and trials and
to give Him rest forever
in His Kingdom,
of which He was the true heir.
By the word "Amen,"
as it comes at the end of every prayer,
I understand
that the Lord is begging
that we may be delivered
from all evil for ever.
It is useless, sisters,
for us to think
that, for so long as we live,
we can be free
from numerous temptations
and imperfections
and even sins;
for it is said
that whosoever thinks himself
to be without sin,
deceives himself,
and that is true.
But if we try to banish bodily ills and trials
-- and who is without very many
and various trials of such kinds? --
is it not right that we should ask
to be delivered from sin?
Still, let us realize
that what we are asking here
--this deliverance from all evil--
seems an impossibility,
whether we are thinking
of bodily ills,
as I have said,
or
of imperfections and faults
in God's service.
I am referring,
not to the saints,
who, as Saint Paul said,
can do all things in Christ [142]
but to sinners like myself.
When I find myself trammelled
by weakness, lukewarmness,
lack of mortification
and many other things,
I realize
that I must beg for help
that I must beg for help
from the Lord.
You, daughters, must ask
as you think best.
Personally, I shall find
no redress in this life,
no redress in this life,
so I ask the Lord
to deliver me from all evil 'for ever.'
What good thing shall we find
in this life, sisters,
in which we
are deprived of our great Good
and
are absent from Him?
Deliver me, Lord,
from this shadow of death;
deliver me
from all these trials;
deliver me
from all these pains;
deliver me
from all these changes,
from all the formalities
with which we are forced to comply
for as long as we live,
from all the many, many, many things
which weary and depress me,
and the enumeration of all
of which would weary the reader
if I were to repeat them.
This life is unendurable.
The source of my own depression
must be
- my own wicked life
and
- the realization that even now
I am not living as I should,
so great are my obligations.
I beseech the Lord, then,
to deliver me from all evil for ever,
since I
- cannot pay what I owe,
and
- may perhaps run farther into debt each day.
And the hardest thing to bear, Lord,
is that I cannot know with any certainty
- if I love Thee
and
- if my desires are acceptable
in Thy sight.
O my God and Lord,
deliver me from all evil
and
be pleased to lead me to that place
where all good things are to be found.
What can be looked for on earth by
- those to whom Thou hast given
some knowledge
of what the world is
and
- those who have a living faith
in what the Eternal Father
has laid up for them
because His Son
asks it of Him
and
teaches us to ask Him for it too?
When contemplatives ask for this
with fervent desire and full determination
it is a very clear sign
- that their contemplation is genuine
and
- that the favours
which they receive in prayer
are from God.
Let those
who have these favours, [143] then,
prize them highly.
But if I myself make this request
- it is not for that reason
(I mean, it must not be taken
as being for that reason);
- it is
because I am wearied
by so many trials
and
because my life has been so wicked
that I am afraid of living any longer.
It is not surprising
if those
who share in the favours of God
who share in the favours of God
should wish to pass to a life
where they no longer enjoy
mere sips at them:
being already partakers
in some knowledge
of His greatness,
they would fain see it in its entirety.
They have no desire to remain
where there are so many hindrances
to the enjoyment of so many blessings;
nor that they should desire to be
where the Sun of justice never sets.
Henceforward all the things
they see on earth
seem dim to them
and
I wonder that they can live
for even an hour.
No one can be content to do so
who
- has begun to enjoy such things,
and
- has been given the Kingdom of God
on earth,
and
- must live to do,
not his own will,
but the will of the King.
Oh, far other must be that life
in which we no longer desire death!
How differently shall we then
incline our wills
towards the will of God!
His will is for us
to desire truth,
whereas we desire falsehood;
His will is for us
to desire the eternal,
whereas we prefer that which passes away;
His will is for us
to desire great and sublime things,
whereas we desire the base things of earth;
He would have us desire
only what is certain,
whereas here on earth
we love what is doubtful.
What a mockery it all is, my daughters,
unless we beseech God
to deliver us from these perils for ever
and
to keep us from all evil!
And although our desire for this
may not be perfect,
let us strive to make the petition.
What does it cost us to ask it,
since we ask it of One
Who is so powerful?
It would be insulting a great emperor
to ask him for a farthing.
Since we have already given Him our will,
let us leave the giving
to His will,
so that
we may be
the more surely heard;
and
may His name be for ever hallowed
in the Heavens and on the earth
and
may His will be ever done in me. Amen.
You see now, friends,
what is meant by perfection in vocal prayer,
in which we consider and know
• To Whom the prayer is being made,
• Who is making it
and
• What is its object.
When you are told
that it is not good for you
to practise any but vocal prayer,
• do not be discouraged,
• but read this with great care
and
• beg God to explain to you anything
about prayer
which you cannot understand.
For no one
can deprive you of vocal prayer
or
make you say the Paternoster hurriedly,
without understanding it.
If anyone
tries to do so,
or
advises you to give up your prayer,
take no notice of him.
You may be sure he is a false prophet;
and in these days, remember,
you must not believe everyone,
for, though you may be told now
that you have nothing to fear,
you do not know
what is in store for you.
I had intended,
as well as saying this,
to talk to you a little about
how you should say the Ave Maria,
but I have written at such length
that that will have to be left over.
If you have learned
how to say the Paternoster well,
you will know enough
to enable you to say
all the other vocal prayers
you may have to recite.
Now let us go back
and finish the journey
which I have been describing,
for the Lord seems to have
been saving me labour
- by teaching both you and me the Way
which I began to outline to you
and
- by showing me how much we ask for
when we repeat this evangelical prayer.
May He be for ever blessed,
for it had certainly never entered my mind
that there were such great secrets in it.
You have now seen
that it comprises the whole spiritual road,
- right from the beginning,
- until God
-- absorbs the soul
-- absorbs the soul
and
-- gives it to drink abundantly
of the fountain of living water
which I told you
was at the end of the road.
It seems, sisters,
that the Lord's will has been to teach us
what great consolation is comprised in it,
and
this is a great advantage to those
who cannot read.
If they understood this prayer,
they
- could derive a great deal
of sound instruction from it
and
- would find it a real comfort.
Our books may be taken from us,
but this is a book
which no one can take away,
and
it comes from the lips of the Truth Himself,
Who cannot err.
As we repeat the Paternoster
so many times daily,
then, as I have said,
• let us delight in it and
• strive to learn
from so excellent a Master
the humility with which He prays,
and
all the other things
that have been described.
May His Majesty forgive me
for having dared
to speak of such high matters.
Well does His Majesty know
- that I should not have ventured to do so,
and
- that my understanding
would not have been capable of it,
had He not taught me what I have said.
Give thanks to Him for this, sisters,
for He must have done it
because of the humility with which
you asked me to write it for you
in your desire to be instructed
by one so unworthy.
Well, sisters,
Our Lord seems not to want me
to write any more,
for, although I had intended to go on,
I can think of nothing to say.
The Lord
- has shown you the road
and
and
- has taught me
what I wrote in the book
which, as I say,
I have already written. [144]
This tells you
- how to conduct yourselves on reaching
this fount of living water
and
- what the soul experiences when there,
and
- how God
- satiates it and
- takes away its thirst for earthly things,
and
- makes it grow in things pertaining
to God's service.
This
- will be very helpful to those
who have reached the fount,
and
- will give them a great deal of light.
Before you see this book
I shall give it to my confessor,
Father Presentado Domingo Banez
of the Order of Saint Dominic.
If he
- thinks you will benefit by it,
and
and
- gives it you to read,
and
if you find it of any comfort,
I, too, shall be comforted.
If he gives you this book,
he will give you the other [145] as well.
Should it be found unsuitable
for anyone to read,
you must take the will for the deed,
as I have obeyed your command
by writing it. [146]
I consider myself well repaid
for my labour in writing,
though it has certainly
been no labour to me
to think about
what I have been going to say,
as the Lord has taught me
the secrets of this evangelical prayer,
which has been a great comfort to me.
Blessed and praised be the Lord,
from Whom comes all the good
that we speak and think and do.
Amen.
____________________
. Foot Notes: [141] St. Luke xxii, 15. [142] Philippians iv, 13. [143] Lit.: "Let those who are so." [144] The Life. [145] The Life. I do not know what reason St. Teresa had to suppose this, but the Spanish of E. ("tambien es da el otro") is quite definite. [146] Lit.: "you will take my will, as I have obeyed your command with the work" [i.e. in deed]. . |
. End of Chapter 42 The Way of Perfection . |
. Gospel Excerpts: Gospel according to Luke: 22:10 And he said to them: Behold, as you go into the city, there shall meet you a man carrying a pitcher of water: follow him into the house where he entereth in. 22:11 And you shall say to the goodman of the house: The master saith to thee, Where is the guest chamber, where I may eat the pasch with my disciples? 22:12 And he will shew you a large dining room, furnished; and there prepare. 22:13 And they going, found as he had said to them, and made ready the pasch. 22:14 And when the hour was come, he sat down, and the twelve apostles with him. 22:15 And he said to them: With desire I have desired to eat this pasch with you, before I suffer. 22:16 For I say to you, that from this time I will not eat it, till it be fulfilled in the kingdom of God. Gospel according to John: (Entry into Jerusalem) 12:23. But Jesus answered them, saying: The hour is come, that the Son of man should be glorified. 12:24. Amen, amen I say to you, unless the grain of wheat falling into the ground die, 12:25. Itself remaineth alone. But if it die, it bringeth forth much fruit. 12:26 He that loveth his life shall lose it; and he that hateth his life in this world, keepeth it unto life eternal. 12:27. Now is my soul troubled. And what shall I say? Father, save me from this hour. But for this cause I came unto this hour. (Last Supper) 13:21. When Jesus had said these things, he was troubled in spirit; and he testified, and said: Amen, amen I say to you, one of you shall betray me. 16:22. So also you now indeed have sorrow; but I will see you again, and your heart shall rejoice; and your joy no man shall take from you. 16:28. I came forth from the Father, and am come into the world: again I leave the world, and I go to the Father. Gospel according to Matthew (Gethsemane) 26:37. And taking with him Peter and the two sons of Zebedee, he began to grow sorrowful and to be sad. 26:38. Then he saith to them: My soul is sorrowful even unto death: stay you here, and watch with me. 26:39. And going a little further, he fell upon his face, praying, and saying: My Father, if it be possible, let this chalice pass from me. Nevertheless not as I will, but as thou wilt. Gospel according to Mark 14:25. ...I will drink no more of the fruit of the vine, until that day when I shall drink it new in the kingdom of God. . |
